I don't know how it is we evolved from "I'm going to focus on education" to "My opponent impregnated an innocent, juvenile space alien, kills kittens and puppies, and dines on babies," but that is where we are now. I'm sick of it - and I have the solution. Roger at AT&T. The Politician Whisperer.
I discovered this campaign wizard while I was discussing my cable bill with him. It all happened simply enough - once they've dispatched your issue, customer service people always ask if there is anything else they can do for you. I often have a quip ready. "Yes, you can fix the economy." "You can cure cancer." "You can solve the overpopulation problem." There is plenty they can do for me.
When Roger uttered this query, I had a ready response. I requested that he rid my television of the dreadful political ads we are relentlessly battered with. Shouldn't cable offer political ad screening? A monthly charge of $5 would be well worth it. In true customer service fashion, Roger apologized for that which he bears no responsibility in subjecting us all to. He then offered his version of how things should be.
He would set up debates where no mud slinging is allowed. He would moderate, compelling them all to stick with positive themes - what they promise. Should they slip into mud slinging modes, they will be consigned to nearby stables to muck out the stalls. That would best match their behavior.
Roger reserves the right to stop and question debating candidates at any time regarding just how they are to accomplish their promised feats. As he said to me, they would be required to focus on the positives - no blaming or name-calling. They are to discuss only what they will try to achieve. His guess, based on recent campaigns, is that quite a few stables will be spotless.
Roger is a radical that way - he believes in rational discourse and reasonable promises. He would require that all candidates tell us what they have done for us and what they will do. He will banish all mud slingers and name-callers to the stables and applaud honest, forward-focused discourse.
While he was speaking, I recognized not only an impressive intellect, but also a unique talent. Roger has an extraordinary gift. My friends know of my connection with The Dog Whisperer... that connection colors how I see the world. It has gifted me with a unique insight. Thus, I recognize in Roger that quality which is required to make real changes. I hereby officially declare Roger of AT&T The Politician Whisperer.
He believes this is possible... he believes with a bit of guidance, politicians and hopefuls are capable of being positive.
Come to think of it, he must be quite mad.
3 comments:
Very funny! And true...
Nice Blog!
Indeed, it is becoming all the rage to "go negative."
My "Political Whisperer Idea" would be for all politicians to be made to promise that they will do/start at least 3 signicantly positive things in their first 90 days if elected.
And if they don't complete, or at least start work on those 3 things in their first 90 days in office, the candidate with the next most votes that lost to them, gets to take their office. Of course, with 3 significant item promised.
What do you think?
PS... Surprise!!
This is your husband speaking.
Love, Bob
That is all true, yet I just stopped paying attention to the polotics since when the governement openly made it so the American's vote never really mattered as the electoral college's vote overrides our votes anyways. That just shattered the whole "your vote matters so vote now" saying.
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